Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in lalalilly's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
8:08 pm	Back to Life... Again. Got home from Florida last week on thursday. Friday, packed and slept(tired from doing nothing?!? I don't get it either.) Saturday morning Mr. Big and I left for West Palm Beach at 10:30am to see Dave Mathews. Arrived late afternoon in the city and where we thought the concert was gonna be. Found a little hotel called "El Patio" and talked to the owner there who said the concert stadium was only 5 mins away. We go into our room where we realize it's gotta be the worst place in the world to stay. Walk into a tiny room with a even smaller bathroom. I refuse to touch anything afraid that any min. roaches will come out from the walls and floors in a giant army and kill us both. As we look around we see there is no remote for the tv, no peep hole in the door to see outside if some one knocks, no chain lock on the door and not even a Bible to be seen. The knob is busted on the air-conditioner and after a few mins Big figures out how to change it from the fan to automatic. We clean up and head out to find some girls unloading there car a few blocks away. We ask for better directions and it happens they are going to the concert also. They then pull out their directions that show that the stadium is NOT 5 mins away but 35-45 mins away. Ugggg... After of about an hour we finally find the stadium. Pull right into the parking lot and the fun begins. After parking and a couple beers we head up to the ticket box and are so lucky to be able to get tickets for the following night as well. We go back to the car and finish up some more good times. The Band puts on an AMAZING show. Great songs, a bunch from the new album but a lot of classics. Show ends and we head out and chill while we watch the traffic build up. Some nice dude from a couple cars away smokes us up.(Really was awesome since we couldn't get any to bring with us and he was some random dude that just stopped over to say Hi.) We get back to the hotel where there is an entire black family, 7-10 of them sitting in their lawn chairs in front of their hotel room just hanging out. Letting you know it's 2am by this point. We are back in our room with the door locked, changed and in bed. Big of course buzzed now wants to have sex but who can have sex in a bed that you don't even want to sleep in the covers in and where it's so gross there is probably a peep hole in the wall some where where people can watch other people having sex?!?! Ewwwwwww... but... I gave in..hehehe, Okay maybe I wanted it to. Gross but could be kinky... ehhhh... okay not kinky..WHAT?!?!?! I was relaxed and all....umm umm umm Anyway.. Next morning we are up and out of that nightmare by 11am. Hit up Wendy's and Walmart. Get to the concert at 1:30pm where we chill and meet some amazing people. Sooo much FUN!!! Concert starts at 8pm but we head in early with the new cool people we met in the parking lot. We all sit together on the lawn and jam out the whole time. I have never had more fun at a Dave concert in my life and I have been to about 10. This weekend was just awesome. Finally came home yesterday morning. Slept all day and got up this morning to look for a job. Gotta get back into life now... SUCKS. Really good weekend. Couldn't have been any better. :) Current Mood: ecstatic (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 12th, 2005
10:03 pm	Planes, Trains and Automobiles I was supposed to be leaving on friday morning, and now it's thursday morning. It's not just thursday morning, it's leaving my house by 7am to be at the airport to check-in. So really my last day is tomorrow. I was supposed to go down to the beach tomorrow night and ring in Gins birthday at 12:01 am with a few drinks. She is upset and I am too. I did get to hangout with her this past sat. which was just okay. She was def. surprised but spent most of the night fighting with our friend Nick. (They were lovers once and now he is psycho over her. This in turn causes many problems when her and I are around him and any other men). Hung out with my ex who we call Psycho Mike and for the first time I closed my door with him. I needed to decide if I was gonna want to be with Big forever or if I was half waiting for Psycho and I to reunite. Def. am over Psycho. Big is so much more to me and seriously I am not attracted to Psycho anymore. He is a cutie and always will be but def. not what I am looking for. Through the years I think I was always hoping he would grow up and every time I hangout with him I realize it may never happen. Oh well though. I miss Big so much and am trying not to think about it. Now I am getting very tired of sitting home any longer. It makes me think about him and Mom and Dad are all over the place still so not until tonight (watching a movie) have I been able to spend some time with them. Going shopping with mom tomorrow and running errands. Before I know it I'll be in Florida. Sorry to everyone that I didn't get to hangout with. I def. was planning on it and was really looking forward to some more fun times. I hope everyone is doing well. I am so tired now so I need some Zzzzz. Hopefully tonight I can sleep all the way through. Current Mood: gloomy (Comment on this)
Friday, July 8th, 2005
11:00 am	So It's killing me. I am home and my parents are running around all day with camp crap, and I thought I was here to visit with my family. If JJ wasn't here I would be bored as anything. The anxiety of seeing and hanging out with Gins is out of control. One more day. There is her but there are other people at the shore that I really want to see that I am probably not going to be able to. Men are so confusing and have so much pride that they can miss out on things in life just because they won't say they are sorry or accept anothers apologies. That is probably why we call him "Psycho" Mike. I have known him since sophmore year in high school. He was my boyfriend at that time and it last a while. Then we broke up and later down the road were friends. We did have the occasional on/off mini-relationship but not until last winter did it all really get confusing. Now we are down to not speaking at all and I DON'T GET IT!!! The guy is psycho and makes your head spin around and seriously by the end you think you are the crazy one! Well I just really want my friend back and there is no way until he can kiss his pride away. Stupid Stupid men... Ughhhhhhh. On the brighter side. Going out with a huge load of people tonight to dinner. Then in the morning my parents camp concert, Edge Fest will be taking part all day long until dark. After that it will be down to the shore to see Gins!!!! Can't wait, Can't wait, Can't wait!!!!! (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 6th, 2005
10:07 pm	LAND!!!!!! So I touched down today in New Jersey at 4pm. Whaaaahhhoooooo Animals now have to sit with people in their cases in the man part of the plane. Some really smart woman brought her yippie annoying dog on and never drugged it first. Two hours of high pitched barking. Not what I was hoping for. Other then that it has been fun. JJ is here to see me and hangout and I am getting to see a lot of friends that I have really been missing. Mr. Big is back in Florida working and couldn't get off. When I come home though it's right off to Dave Mathews in West Palm Beach for two days. I miss Chloe already but what can you do. It's killing me not being able to tell Ginny that I am here but it's gonna be worth that look on her face when I surprise her. Really tired so I am going go get some sleep. Night all. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 5th, 2005
3:12 pm	Here I come!!! Flying home tomorrow afternoon!!! Gonna be with family all week then down to the shore to visit Gins and all my friends. I'll give you all a call when I can get out so we can catch up before I come back. I have a week and a half to soak up some Jersey sun... See you soon. xoxoxox (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 2nd, 2005
6:09 pm	duh Okay so I am a dumbass. My cell # is 941-526-6556... so now you can actually reach me instead of some other floridian. (Comment on this)
Friday, July 1st, 2005
6:16 pm	Getting ready for the weekend! 4th of July is really big down here and the fire works aren't better any where else. Going shopping for a load of our own to blast off on sunday and monday. A lot is going on this weekend. Mom called yesterday and is going through major with-drawl with me being in Florida. She is getting me a plane ticket and either this week or the next I will be back in Jersey!!! Whahhoooooo!!!. But shhhhh... no one tell anyone...hehehe. It's gonna be Gins birthday and am not telling anyone from the shore about me coming so on her Birthday I will just show up. I am more excited about surprising her then anything. I talked to her on the phone to today and she keeps begging me to come home but of course I deny her. Hahaha. I love it. I dyed my hair a redish-brown which sounds bad but amazingly enough it's awesome. I think I like it a lot better then being blond. Mr. Big is in love with it also. Well after I get home from Jersey I have 2 Dave Mathews concerts in a row in West Palm Beach. We are hitting up one concert then to a hotel to wake up and do it again. :) July is the best month. I have a new cell # now which is 941-526-6656. So call when you miss me. ;) Gotta go do some laundry... peace out homies...Love You (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 25th, 2005
5:52 pm	The last week has been crazy. Bought a gorgeous bedroom set for only $400. It was from Mr. Big's boss and it was never used before. Looking to move out of here soon but so far no luck. Crisis center hasn't called back yet so I was gonna just get some crappy job till I get back into something better. Well then I thought about it and am just not gonna give up on what I want. Went to the beach all day and swam in the ocean, so beautiful. :) I was gonna come home in July for my cousins wedding but am not now. Gins was gonna fly home with me but now is gonna wait till sept. to come visit. Actually is better since we will have our house or townhouse by then. Big's been talking a lot about engagement and seriously there is no one I can think that would be a better idea with. I am just tired of all the crap from dating and seriously I don't want to meet a new person's family, I like his way to much. How can I not want to be with some one who I have the most amazing sex with, makes me laugh and thinks that I am the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. I really can't ask for more. Last time I wrote I had seen a giant sting ray and last night I saw the biggest freakin Armadillo run across the street! Florida is crazy!!! Well other then that there isn't anything new and I am really happy here so there's nothing to rant about. Drinking some beers, taking a nap then soaking in the tub till Big comes home. I miss you guys. xoxoxoxoxoxox (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, June 20th, 2005
5:36 pm	So Florida.... It's HOT AS HELL! Everyday you think it might get cooler...NO. Well I miss everybody. Father's Day was yesterday and I wanted nothing more then to be home with my family. I really love Florida but it can't be perfect with out my family and friends. Cell phone was turned off last week b/c I thought the bill was gonna be $150 and it just wasn't in my budget. Mom sends me the bill, which arrives today for it only to be $50. Now I am pissed since I could've payed it and it never would've been off. Have to call my cousin tomorrow since our house phone is temp. off due to the company needed to fix some things within it's self, I am gonna have to wait till tomorrow. I have to let her know that I won't be able to be home in July to be in her wedding. The shit is gonna hit the fan on that one. Haven't told anyone else that crap either so a lot of family and friends are gonna be upset on me not coming home now. :( I am so upset about that also but I just don't have the money right now. Applied at a Rape Crisis Center today so hopefully I will be hired soon since they stated they need the help. Haven't been able to look at getting a job till this past weekend b/c my back was so bad and I really needed the time to let it heal up. So now I am just hanging out. Died my hair a brownish-red today and excitingly enough it looks awesome. I am so tan that the blond was looking bland and I needed something to jazz me up for a bit. We live in a really, really, really, really crappy neighborhood and my car has been keyed on both sides. bleh :( Added to the dent in the side from the Rowan Apts. it looks beautiful. hahahah. That dent still makes me laugh. The woman I live with set her computer up so I will hopefully be back on now. Being away from it has been withdrawl! Chloe is doing awesome. Sooooo spoiled. I really miss you guys soooo much. Come visit me soon! We are moving out of here by the end of the month I hope into a 2 bedroom mini house. Really nice and just what we need. I have 2 Queen beds that are going in both rooms so the guest room will be hooked up for comfort. :) Well I hope everthing is good. Haven't been into much drinking down here so have a beer and a shot for me... Miss you and Love You JJ (Comment on this)
Friday, May 20th, 2005
3:46 pm	Here I am on my last night in jersey and it's nasty outside. I see the state is giving me a big "F-U"! Ahh whatever. Last weekend hungout at the shore with a bunch of friends and had the best time in a long while. Picked Big up from the airport on sunday and spent the last week running around between DE and NJ making rounds to say goodbye. Tonight we are going to the shore one last time before I leave to hangout with Gins and some other friends of Big. Since he has arrived here there have been a lot of questions on if this is right or not. For the first time in my life since I have first met him this feels more right then ever. I already can't believe how different he is in every aspect. He loves me more then he has ever loved me before and it's not just him saying it it's catching him starring at me over dinner with the family or pulling the car up to the door b/c it's rainning. He is my heart and I really love him. Every time there is something that makes me upset he is all over it and makes me feel better before I can even look up. Mom is really upset about me leaving and tomorrow she is gonna be crying as I drive away. I love my family so much and this move is gonna be hard but I will be able to do it and get over anything. I won't have a computer in florida right away so I won't be on here for atleast a month. I am def. gonna keep in touch though. Carly sorry for the be-lated Birthday wish but I wasn't on here to know so here it is... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY Dear Carly HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!! The strippers and Kegs should be showing up tonight so let them in!!!!! I know you like midgets so the strippers are on the short side. :) hahahahha Well I am gonna miss everyone to death. Wyatt stay hot, don't forget your MY BUSH! Everyone else I love you and will see you some time in the future. You need a vacation Florida is the best place to go. Good Luck in all you do.. PEACE ~Bye Guys Current Mood: excited (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 11th, 2005
6:08 pm	Been so busy lately and still there doesn't seem like I have enough time to fit everything in before I leave. Hung out with random friends here and there to give us some times to ourselves before I leave. Mom is def. more upset about me moving then she is trying to show but I know her to well. My brother moved to Philly and I didn't really get to say good bye to him and probably won't either. Well Bye JJ, good luck with all you guys do and Florida is always an open door. (That goes for everyone) Still a had a question here and there I wanted to ask you but that isn't something for right now. Went to Ikea with mom yesterday which was awesome! Got a bunch of cool stuff and spent way to much money. I am already starting to really miss all the Rowan peeps. Today as I was driving home from the doctors I really wanted to go out to Mansion and drink some beers but couldn't. It sucks being all the way out in Cowtown and not having a ton of people to laugh with. Ahh I'll be meeting people in Florida in no time, still they aren't you guys. I want you guys to make sure we stay in touch (Reesie Piecie! I don't care what you say I am gonna be around a while). Thanks though for the mention about your quietness. I was kind of upset after I left thinking something was wrong and I really wasn't sure what it was. I love you to death and never change b/c you guys are awesome. Went out with the grandparents for lunch today to say good bye to them. Tomorrow is the last errands that need to be run then down to the shore to spend the weekend with the girls. Gins is really going to have a hard time this summer with out and Christina being gone and all. Talked to her mom and am gonna pick up some pictures of Christina and am getting Lockets engraved with her initials on them for me and Gins for her birthday. Hopefully they come out nice. Monday morning it's to the airport to pick up Mr. Big. Talked to him last night and he happened to tell me that his mom was supposed to call his dad about his dad(who still lives in Jersey, they are seperated) getting the ticket for Big. Well Big's mom never gave his dad the message till the day before yesterday. I am not even down there yet and already you can tell she is trying to delay my arrivel. She always needs all the attention and is very immature. We used to butt-heads and now it's gonna be on again. Why am I moving again?!?!? Gins asked me today if this is something I really want and if it feels right and I said the trueth...no. But I am still going. Why I really don't know. I keep thinking it could work out like I always wanted but in reality my biggest fear is me moving down there and him being amazing and me just really not wanting him anymore b/c I well just don't. Only time will tell and I am looking at this as a really fun experience not something drudged down by scary mothers and bad boyfriends who never change. I have changed so much and Big isn't aware of that. Oh he will be getting an awakening, oh it's gonna be grand, and this time it's gonna be a lot more fun. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 5th, 2005
11:40 pm	Moving in 2 weeks. Went to the shore last night and went out with friends. Said I wasn't gonna pick up the phone if Big called but since I have no patience I did anyway. Took a deep breath and started spitting out everything I have been holding in the last week or two. I told him how I don't trust him, how I am not revolving my life around him that it's his turn to revolve around me, that I will NOT be taking any crap from him. After about 5 mins of ranting I stopped and waited for a response when he answered with, "fine I quit my job tomorrow and move to jersey". He started pouring out his heart and this time didn't make promises that everything is gonna be okay but promised that even when it's not okay that he is gonna do everything in his power to make it okay. He poured his heart out and him this a really big deal. In the past when we would fight I would be the only one talking and crying and he would be numb and never say a word. He use to have a hard time expressing his emotions and I have only seen him cry twice in 2 years. I know that is kind of more then most men cry but it was when his grandmother died and when I finally left him in DE. I was so nervous and doubtful about moving and now I am so excited. I can't wait. I also talked to him tonight and after I move down there he has a car he wants me to look at that he is going to buy me once settled in. Yes I that is what I said...he is buying me a car. I mean if you not serious about some one I doubt you would buy them a car. I couldn't believe it. So shocked. So now I will have a new car and my parents are giving me this computer I am on so I will still be able to talk to everyone and keep in touch. Said goodbye to Marco tonight and wish I could've said goodbye in person but my back, which is so much better, is acting up again. Def. had a crush on that kid for a week or something and then 'poof' it was gone. Hey you win some, you lose some, you just don't want some. I don't know it's one of those. Going out to Rowan tomorrow night after some dinner thing. Only have this week to pack then Big will be here and we will be making rounds to say good bye to every one. Definitely in a lot better mood and well I have you guys to thank for that... well and a couple muscle relaxers. hehehe Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
7:24 pm	Love or Contentment, which is more important in the end? My mind is so full or crap and I can't sit still or even 2 seconds. I am back on here again hoping to unleash some anxiety and try and finish the rest of the day good. Talked with Mom and my friend Nicole today about me moving and their opinions make me think that my doubts are probably true about the happiness I am gonna find in Florida with Mr. Big. He's off of work today and I left him a message to call me before he buys his ticket to NJ to get me. First it was all about me, he wanted to be with me, near me, get a job revolved around whatever job I would have so we could spend the maximum time together possible. Of course he said he has changed and I really wish it would be true. The other day he told me that I have to get a night job b/c that's when he works so we can spend our mornings together. Right there I am already getting a job revolved around his job and him like I have done in the past for 2 1/2 years. It wouldn't be that big of a deal except I have made so many sacrifices for him in the past and now it's my turn. The big kicker is that his regular day shifts are 11am-12am so he is gonna be gone almost the entire waking hour moments. Once again like in DE I will be waiting home for him to get off work and it will turn into me having dinner on the table, desert in the fridge and me in only an apron and heels. He'll come home put on ESPN, take a plate to the couch and eat, save desert for a midnight snack and have sex with me during a commercial after he has smoked a couple bowls. Man how easily it is to forget the bad and I just want so much more for us but is it possible? For some reason I have been so afraid to tell him how I truly feel, but this isn't something new. If he calls tonight I won't answer but make sure I have my thoughts straight for tomorrows conversation. It's scary b/c I am so tired of being alone and for just one second it felt really nice to have some one love me the way I always dreamed off. The only problem is that this is Mr. Big's best trait, he's good at making me believe anything that's not true even when it comes to Love. I watched a movie the other day and there was a sex scene. In between my little sister covering her eyes and my Mom being uncomfortable b/c the scene was so long, I sat there not wanting the actual penetration of sex but the intimacy and caring and admiring of having some one adore me. This is the first time in months that I cried today b/c in the emptiness of my house I again know what I need to do and that is gonna equal in me being alone with out a companion for a longer period of time. Mr. Big loves me but only to the capacity that he is able. I Love with the most amazing, desirable and passionate emotions that have no boundaries. If I let him go will I be making the biggest mistake or will I be freeing my heart to begin the biggest journey of my life. All is left to which one I decide matters more... Love or Settling for just being Content Current Mood: sad (2 Comments |Comment on this)
2:53 pm	Oh dude I better be a Super Hero in your plans. Hmmm what would I want to have..... the power to make things grow(make a flower bloom or make a tree grow tall...the power to become a reflection and live in it(look at the water and you can see me on the other side like looking into a mirror and seeing something on it that's not sitting next to you in the real world, like living in another world)... and the power to make it rain whenever I want. Yeah I like them. Even though I am your sister I want a sexy outfit. You know I love fashion, so jazz me up...I have faith in the animator. Peace and Love Current Mood: cheerful (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
10:21 pm	End of the Season, Beginning to parting our seperate ways... AHhh A Reason to PARTY WHAHOOOO Well here I am 10:30pm on Tuesday night tired from along day of trying to push past the pain just to walk around the house. Starting to more enjoy the muscle relaxers given to me by the doctor. It's wrong but what else do I have to look forward to anymore when my life exists of day time talk shows or whats left of the movie selection at Blockbuster that started out looking nice but since the beginning of this whole thing started I am down to the movies that don't even get the respect of a rating. Getting alittle depressed but tomorrow I should be in better spirits since I am sucking up the pain and taking myself to the shore to spend much needed time with my bestfriends before I move. Mr. Big is supposed to get his plane ticket tomorrow so I then I will know the exact date that I am leaving my home. I asked him last night how it is that we are going to work out in Florida when we couldn't make it in NJ or DE, and he replied with "B/c We Are, B/c I Am Gonna Make it Work. There Is No What Ifs...B/c We Are and I Love You, And That's Enough". I smiled since he has always known what was just enough to say to keep me on for another ride. I wasn't expecting anything less from him. I guess the last couple weeks I knew the exact date was gonna be set but now that it is actually gonna happen I am getting nervous and am starting to come up with excuses of why this isn't a good idea. Then I smacked myself. This guy always makes me crumble and this time I AM going to florida and I am gonna be the strong woman I have become after all these years and I am gonna be confident and if it doesn't work out then I will be OKAY. I am always okay in the end, Always. I am gonna miss my friends so much but the people I am gonna miss the most are my family. My mother is my BestFriend and not being able to cry on her shoulder when I can't take anymore is gonna be the hardest thing for me to overcome. I have the most amazing parents and family and if I could I would take them all with me. It sounds stupid but I am also afraid that I might not fit in down there, like Florida is another planet or something. I know I really have to stop with all this and be excited. I am Waaaahooooo! Just had a bad day I guess. Getting lonely and seriously am just tired of being alone. Tired of watching movies by myself, not having some one to rub my back or just to call to come over and make me laugh. Im lucky I have friends that fill those empty spots in for me. Maybe that is why I have been okay these past months b/c my friends just never gave me time to realize that it sucks not having some one there b/c they are always there. Well I will be out at Rowan to spend the last couple days with my party pals. It's crazy how you meet people that make the smallest places in your life so much bigger then they are with laughter and hugs. Since Christina passed in November it took me a couple months to really notice how important my friends and family are. When no one knew I needed a good night out you were all there waiting... in Mansion 10 and 20 with a case of the cheapest beer to begin my recovery of hard days at work. Well when you all graduate and finish up and get those crappy jobs that make you all have hard days call me up and I'll be waiting... With a bottle of Vodka, a case of Miller Light, and ping pong balls. I Love You ALL and thanks for a great couple months. Man, and I never got handcuffed by a Rowan Cop! Ahhh who wants a dude with No Neck?!?! Some Highlights: 1. Which Girl in the Room Did JJ use this Condom with?!?! 2. SigMa Reese 3. "Show Me Your Nipples...Show Me The Babies Nipples!!!! 4. Crawling into bed with Rocky AKA:Marco 5. "Your Mom's Ass broke Morraco's Mirror?!?!?" 6. Popov Vodka (enough said) 7. "That Girl is Goofy... ya know... loves anal sex" 8. Writting "I Am Gay" on Wyatt's forehead, arm and hands 9. Greg's singing 10. Carly making Brian self conscious about his body! (20 points for Carly) 11. Smitty throwing up on the back door of Mainstreet. (What's that kids real name???) 12. Midgets and Playboys 13. Sex tapes at Reese's 14. The O.C. 15. Meeting and smoking with Latora 16. Mansion 20 & 10, Carly's Graffiti 17. I "heart" you like "Whoa" 18. Finding out I am NOT Bisexual..hahaha thanks Reese, only you 19. "My Dad just got a tattoo of a cross b/c he Loves Jesus" 20. "This kitchen smells... I think it's that Rag... Ewwwwww!!! Get the beer and let's get out of here." 21. "JJ is that a BITE mark on your neck??? Wow Steph!" 22. Dancing at Mansion 20 to Blink182 23. The Spot and Mainstreet every Thursday Night 24. "Wyatt just hold my boob okay" LAST BUT NOT LEAST..... 25. Barb TO MANY MORE NIGHTS TO COME, See YOU ON THURSDAY!!!!!! Current Mood: accomplished (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 1st, 2005
11:11 am	So the beginning of last week I hurt my back. Well my back has been hurting but then it happened to cut off the nerve in my right leg which was causing my muscle to swell and give me a constant charlie horse. The pain was so bad and happened to quickly I would be in agony from just getting out of bed and walking to the bathroom. Taking a shower took me as long or longer then an hour. Went to the doctors every single morning hoping for some relief. Friday the whole family goes away and I am home alone and BORED! No one could come visit me and I was starting to get the worst cabin fever, I was going insane. Greg came over, thank you Lord for some human life to react with! Smoked and watched movies but the pain was the worst it has ever been. Doctor said last week that I need to feel some what better by next week or I have to talk to a surgeon about about back surgery. Ahhhhhhhhhhh Yeah RIGHT!!! Well on friday night I woke up in the middle of the night in pain, again. Woke up sat morning and out of no where felt the best I have felt since this thing started! I mean I am not completely better but I feel great! I was praying all week and seriously God answers prayers. He is so amazing. Well Greg and I never did leave the couch, but that's how lifes been for me since this whole thing started. Watched movies the entire time and slept in this morning... Not getting off the couch for a couple more days but surgery def. doesn't seem like it's gonna be an issue. Now that I am getting better I am starting to question whether or not I really want to move to florida with Mr. Big. I am not sure he has really changed yet and it's not like I am moving a single state away or am in driving distance of an hour or two from home if it doesn't work out. I really have to think some things through. Maybe that is what this time has been for me, to slow down and think about my future plans before rushing into it. Well keep praying for me I am not all better yet and I want to see everyone before they go home from school. :( So sad! Hey we had some good times, there's more to come! Current Mood: relieved (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 23rd, 2005
10:17 am	Plans once again have changed. I am moving to Florida in 2 weeks. Mr. Bug called me last night to let me know he put his 2 weeks in for work so he could move home. I was thinking though that he knows what Jersey is like and so do I but I don't know what living in florida is like so what the hell. I am restless and my plans have been falling through and like I said before I have no patience. So I decided last night to tell him I am gonna move down there. Not sure what kind of job I am gonna get but something relaxing and nothing to do with kids.haha. He told me that of course I would live with him and that he was gonna pay the rent for me and I could just save or do what ever I want with my money. This to me was a complete shock since when I lived with him in DE my money was always some topic of conversation and were it was going to go. I am also aloud to bring Chloe which is the answer to my prayers. I need her so bad and wouldn't be leaving with out her. So anyway We have to have a big party before I leave... Im gonna miss you guys. Time for some more Good Times. Current Mood: anxious (Comment on this)
Friday, April 22nd, 2005
7:01 pm	Alittle stressed out and my brain has turned in baby food. Looking all day on the computer for apartments and so far I have nothing. Came on live journal to write a 2 page poem when my father signs online and I lose the whole thing. Folded the over heeping pile of laundry for my mom then back to the computer for more brain mushing. Talked to Mr. Big today and he wants me to come pick him up from florida in a week and bring him home. Mom is not excited about that at all. Now I have to try to convince him that it's a bad idea and find him the cheapest plane ticket in history even if he is in the luggage compartment. Went out last night and watched Carly grab Wyatts package. Ripped out a picture of Mini-Me and put it on the fridge. Realized I don't like my brothers roommate which is awesome. Would've regretted that if anything happened. I am head over heels in love with Mr. Big and one night with an Itallion Stallion would be hot but in the end NOT worth it. Chillen back and trying to enjoy being on the unemployed list while I can. The one thing God didn't give me was patience and right now all I can do is wait till time passes when things are gonna fall into place. I miss my life when I was happy and on top of the world and right now I am happy but I think the more I look around that I am in Hell... Aaaaahhh what ya gonna do??? (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 20th, 2005
1:37 pm	Sour Milk So I have never hated the opposite sex more then I have in the last 48 hours. This time ladies and gentlemen it doesn't have to do with Mr. Big. Say you have a friend of a friend of a friend. This dude tries macking it hardcore on your friend of a friend, which leads into the second round of rejection for the pathetic fool. After the rejection is delivered the fool realizes that the desire for a one night stand is only coming from one person involved, himself. So this leads to him trying to cover it up and brushing away his tracks before anyone notices. The problem is he isn't that good at being discrete and people are catching on. What bothers me most is that level of shadiness is unbelievable. I keep telling her to tell him to leave her alone and let him know how pathetic he is really making the situation. It's just that some men on the other hand can't ever be helped and I am thinking he might be one of them; Grade A last choice Loser. That explains everything. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 19th, 2005
1:13 pm	Chunky Monkey Went and chilled with my brother and friends last night which was the most fun I have had in long time. Didn't need to go anywhere or meet anyone just a lot of laughing was all that was needed. Waited all day for Mr. Big to call and finally the rings at 11pm. First I was upset at him b/c I didn't hear from him all day then it turned into me being mad at myself for caring that much. When he ended up calling in the end he kept saying how much he misses me and that he might not be moving home till June now instead of May. Something inside me told me that when he was talking about moving home that of course there is a chance that he might not move back at all. That the date will keep being set back till it never happens. I asked him what he did on sunday night b/c that's when he usually calls and he said just worked. The thing is I am not sure that I believe him and really don't want to be with some one that already I am question their answers. Before I could ask any more questions he began to sound upset then went on this huge long thing about how he is afraid that I am gonna not want him when he moves back or that Im gonna meet some one else while he is still in florida. All this mumbo jumbo crap. I mean it was nice crap but still. He said he wants to move home and live with me again that with out me he is nothing. Nice and sweet but I am not sure I want to live with him again so soon. Then I was thinking about something JJ said about how he is probably gonna live with Holly sooner or later so why not now and get all the crap out of the way?!?!? I am just making decisions based on him until I know he is for real, and even then I am not giving anything up for him b/c I have already done that way to much and it set me back. If he wants to be with me then this time he has to jump on the roller coaster instead of me stopping to let him on. Had a relaxing day so far. Went to the dr. then laid on the beach by the lake, took a nap and really didn't do anything constructive. Mom's taking me shopping tomorrow then out to JJ's for a 4/20 party = beer pong & trees. Thursday I pick up my check then down to the shore to sharing an air mattress with gins on the floor. Looking over a couple jobs and the grandparents brought me a paper so well see tonight what my options are. I think I am gonna go watch some shitty afternoon tv and eat some B&J's ice cream. Then I don't know what I am gonna do... probably nothing :) ***420 COMES AT MIDNIGHT*** Current Mood: satisfied (Comment on this)